Time To Talk

Most of us have experienced times when we’ve had trouble dealing with daily life and our mental health. Talking about this with family, friends, loved ones or therapists can help a great deal. When reaching out to a close one or those around you who may need a friendly ear, it’s important to be mindful that some words and phrases are more respectful and widely accepted than others. Below are some helpful tips to navigate these conversations provided by our charity partner Mental Health Foundation.

How should I talk about mental health?

As more people talk about their mental health, the language we use about mental health is changing. This can have a positive impact on the stigma of mental ill-health.

When you’re speaking to someone about their mental health, it’s important to be direct and compassionate.

You should ask people whether they want to talk about their mental health and, if so, how they would like to discuss their experiences. They are the experts in their lives.

It’s also important not to let fear about saying the wrong thing stop you from having conversations about mental health or asking someone how they are. Avoiding the subject can make people feel silenced or stigmatised, even if that’s not what you intended.

Be careful when speaking about other people’s experiences – whether it’s someone you know, in the public eye, or on the news. It’s easy to gossip, but it’s usually unhelpful and can be harmful.

Being open about mental health is good and allows conversations to develop naturally. When choosing your words, some helpful terms and some can reinforce stigma or cause upset.

Safe, open conversations will feel more considerate and respectful to most people with lived experience of mental health problems. They can also help others feel more able to talk about their own experiences.

Phrases to use and avoid

• Don’t: describe a person as a diagnosis or behaviour: ‘a manic-depressive’, ‘a schizophrenic’, ‘a psychotic’, ‘a self-harmer’
  Instead: ‘a person living with schizophrenia/bipolar disorder’, ‘someone with depression’, ‘someone experiencing psychosis’, ‘someone who self-harms’. People tend to prefer terms where they’re seen firstly as a person rather than a set of symptoms or an illness, especially when some clinical terms are stigmatised.

• Don’t: use ‘suffers from’, ‘victim of’
  Instead: ‘lives with’, ‘has’. ‘Suffers from’ or ‘victim of’ implies that someone’s life experience is negative, painful and hopeless – or that they deserve pity.

• Don’t: use ‘mentally ill’
  Instead: ‘someone with mental ill-health’ or ‘someone who experiences mental health problems’. ‘Mentally ill’ is old-fashioned and not precise – you wouldn’t usually say that a person was physically ill.

• Don’t: use ‘committed suicide’
  Instead: use ‘died by suicide’, ‘took their own life, or ‘attempted suicide’. The word ‘commit’ suggests suicide is a crime or a sin.

• Don’t: use mental health terms as adjectives to describe people or behaviours – like ‘a bit OCD’, ‘crazy’, ‘practically anorexic’
  Instead: use different, more compassionate ways to describe people or the ways they’re behaving. If you’re concerned that someone is behaving unusually, ask them how they’re doing in a sensitive way. If you see people making stigmatising comments or showing bias, call them out as you would if they were making other discriminatory comments.
  

Talking to someone you’re worried about

If a friend, relative or colleague doesn’t seem themselves, it’s good to check in and see how they are. You might have noticed they seem distracted, less able to concentrate, more angry or irritable than usual or that they’re hiding away.

• Find a space where you know you can have a conversation without being distracted. This could be over a lunch break, during a walk or at a busy café depending on where the other person feels comfortable

• Give them your full attention: turn your phone off and make sure you won’t be interrupted

• Try to make eye contact unless the other person is uncomfortable with it. Be relaxed: it helps you come across as genuine and engaged with what they’re saying

• Ask questions to clarify and show you’re listening, but remember not everyone will want to discuss things in detail

• Ask how you can help or make suggestions, rather than telling them what to do next. They might want support with making a GP appointment, help with household chores, or just for you to keep things normal and chat about what’s going on in your life. Our charity partner the Mental Health Foundation page on getting help has lots of useful sources of help.